T-Mac #1
Bad Lighting
I cared what she thought, so when she dared me I knew I was in trouble. Still, I was nervous. After all, I had never made a sex tape before. Setting up my digital camera just right took a few minutes because the light from the Bed Bath and Beyond scented vanilla candle kept throwing off the shot. Gale had this thing with scented candles that I never understood. By my logic, if we both end up sweating more than our backs after a road trip in July anyway, isn’t the whole thing a wash? Anyway, like I said, I was a little nervous, but that didn’t mean we didn’t have a lot of fun. Sex has a way of blocking everything else out.
When she broke up with me out of nowhere two months later however, now that was something I couldn’t block out. I went through all the stages you’re supposed to go through when you get out of a long relationship—I cried, I smashed things, I told myself I was over her, then I cried some more. Finally, I figured out two things. First, when the worst thing that you can picture even happening in your life actually happens and you’re still there, it’s the most liberating thing ever. If I can survive this, I thought, I can survive anything. And it’s true. I was freer than I had ever been. Second, I realized that I had the perfect tool for revenge, and I was determined to use it.
See, Gale didn’t just break up with me, she cheated on me first, and if that wasn’t bad enough, she did it with some jackass frat guy who was involved in the amazingly stupid student government at the college we all went to. Of course, I didn’t find that out for a while, but it eventually got back to me—it always does.
I think cheating on someone you love is one of the worst things anyone can ever do, but like most things in life, there are degrees of severity. On the one end, there’s getting cheated on when your girlfriend gets drunk and screws Clive Owen. That’s still bad, but at least understandable, if not forgivable. Hell, I would almost screw Clive Owen. On the other end, there’s screwing some meathead frat guy who builds replica gyms using Popsicle sticks and a hot glue gun. I just couldn’t let Gale slide of this one.
My plan was fairly simple. First, I burned a copy of our sexual acrobatics onto a DVR and mailed it in place of the Netflix movie I had rented. Since it was Tristan and Isolde, I figure I was doing the future renters a favor. The arts and crafts stage was next. I made some adjustments to the touristy picture of Gale and me on top of the Space Needle and tossed it in the mail, too. A few weeks later my revenge was complete. Like most people I know, Gale checks postsecret every Sunday. Although I wasn’t in the computer lab to see it, I’m told she shouted for ten minutes straight after she read it. There, on postsecret, was a picture of us a year before on our road trip to Seattle, my face blacked out, with a typed message glued over it that read: “I returned a copy of our sex tape in place of my Netflix DVD. I hope he was worth it. Happy anniversary.”
Like I said, I knew I was in trouble when she dared me, but I’m sure glad she did.
I cared what she thought, so when she dared me I knew I was in trouble. Still, I was nervous. After all, I had never made a sex tape before. Setting up my digital camera just right took a few minutes because the light from the Bed Bath and Beyond scented vanilla candle kept throwing off the shot. Gale had this thing with scented candles that I never understood. By my logic, if we both end up sweating more than our backs after a road trip in July anyway, isn’t the whole thing a wash? Anyway, like I said, I was a little nervous, but that didn’t mean we didn’t have a lot of fun. Sex has a way of blocking everything else out.
When she broke up with me out of nowhere two months later however, now that was something I couldn’t block out. I went through all the stages you’re supposed to go through when you get out of a long relationship—I cried, I smashed things, I told myself I was over her, then I cried some more. Finally, I figured out two things. First, when the worst thing that you can picture even happening in your life actually happens and you’re still there, it’s the most liberating thing ever. If I can survive this, I thought, I can survive anything. And it’s true. I was freer than I had ever been. Second, I realized that I had the perfect tool for revenge, and I was determined to use it.
See, Gale didn’t just break up with me, she cheated on me first, and if that wasn’t bad enough, she did it with some jackass frat guy who was involved in the amazingly stupid student government at the college we all went to. Of course, I didn’t find that out for a while, but it eventually got back to me—it always does.
I think cheating on someone you love is one of the worst things anyone can ever do, but like most things in life, there are degrees of severity. On the one end, there’s getting cheated on when your girlfriend gets drunk and screws Clive Owen. That’s still bad, but at least understandable, if not forgivable. Hell, I would almost screw Clive Owen. On the other end, there’s screwing some meathead frat guy who builds replica gyms using Popsicle sticks and a hot glue gun. I just couldn’t let Gale slide of this one.
My plan was fairly simple. First, I burned a copy of our sexual acrobatics onto a DVR and mailed it in place of the Netflix movie I had rented. Since it was Tristan and Isolde, I figure I was doing the future renters a favor. The arts and crafts stage was next. I made some adjustments to the touristy picture of Gale and me on top of the Space Needle and tossed it in the mail, too. A few weeks later my revenge was complete. Like most people I know, Gale checks postsecret every Sunday. Although I wasn’t in the computer lab to see it, I’m told she shouted for ten minutes straight after she read it. There, on postsecret, was a picture of us a year before on our road trip to Seattle, my face blacked out, with a typed message glued over it that read: “I returned a copy of our sex tape in place of my Netflix DVD. I hope he was worth it. Happy anniversary.”
Like I said, I knew I was in trouble when she dared me, but I’m sure glad she did.
posted by T-Mac at 7:15 AM
1 Comments:
Don't be diss'n Tristan and Isodle ;)
But a very clever way for revenge. Good job!
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